“State of the Movement”

When I was a teenager I bought a guitar
I wanted to be a rock n’ roll star
Not a rock n’ roll star like Purple Rain
I just wanted to play guitar like Kurt Cobain
Get up on that mic and make lots of noise
Bounce around like the Beastie Boys
Say something real like Public Enemy
Minor Threat and B.D.P.
So I started a band, created a ‘zine
I tried to start a whole new music scene
But I was a dreamer it was easy to see
Cause the indie kids, they all laughed at me
And the hip-hop crew, this is what they thunk
Wouldn’t let me rhyme cause they thought I was punk
Was I punk? Please let’s just stop
My attitude was way too pop
With the cliques I did not click
No one was buying my shtick
Right now I’ve got an invitation
To all you pariahs across the nation
If you don’t fit in you must embrace it
If you have a dream you got to go out and chase it
We’re going to pack this arc like Noah
Underdogs like Rocky Balboa
Everyone is invited
Together we stand united
Step back, curtsy, and bow
We’re taken control and it’s starting right now
This is what is on the brain
This is what is on the brain
This is what is on the brain
This is what is on the brain

“Day That I Ruled The World”

Today was like no other, I got up out from bed
I raised my arms to the sky and proclaimed myself “King of the World”
Everyone found a job, everyone ate some food
Freed all the political prisoners, we played wiffle ball in my backyard
A giant business man came and asked me for a job
I didn’t hire him—he didn’t have a tattoo, he had real short hair

That was the greatest site, my eyes have ever seen
That was the day that I ruled the world!
I had to set things straight, I had to regulate
That was the day that I ruled the world!
Turned on the radio, listened to the Beastie Boys
Channel surfing then I heard a brand new song from the Wu-Tang Clan
All the kids were playing outside, no one was doing drugs
No one even laughed at me when I came outside with my red party-socks on
We forgot what racism was, who needs it anyway?
I was chillin’ with the T-Bell, now I guess you could say it was a really, really good day

That was the greatest site, my eyes have ever seen
That was the day that I ruled the world!
I had to set things straight, I had to regulate
That was the day that I ruled the world!

“Hamburglar”

I saw you standing there today
And I don’t know why, but you look like meat
You look like crap, you look so beat
Dude you look like hell, man you look like meat
You sit around all day watchin’ talk shows
Want to watch something else, but there’s nothing else on
So you get in your car, never dilly dally
Step on the gas and you head to Rally’s
To grab a burger, to grab a burger

Hamburglar

Now you say you wanna be a cop
But I don’t think it’s going to happen
Two push-ups and a 20-minute mile wouldn’t even get you a job in Mayberry
You got big arms, but you don’t lift weights
You just lift those burgers with your arms and shove ‘em down
Shove ‘em down, shiggy-shiggy-shove ‘em down

Hamburglar

You love hamburgers and it ain’t no lie
Give ‘em a Double Whopper and an order of fries
Ham-biggity-biggty burger that’s all you ever eat
Give ‘em a side of onion rings and a quarter pound of beef
This fast food life is blurrin’ your vision
Hamburger Bad nutrition!

Hamburglar

“No I.D. (Punk Opera)”

No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get none!

You can’t get shit around here if you don’t have I.D.,
But you need to have I.D. if you want to have I.D. (see)
Took out my P.A. license, was quickly and rudely denied
My I.D. doesn’t count, cause it doesn’t say N.Y.
I don’t know what I’m going to do without a library card
I don’t know what I’m going to do without a bank account

No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get no I.D.!
No I.D., Get none!

“Zamboni Man”

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

Smooth the surface, make it nice
Pop a wheelie, shave that ice

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

Drives the zamboni just like a car
Steals nachos from the snack bar

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

Smooth the surface, make it clean
Refill the change in the snack machine

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

Puts on the blades, cuts a figure eight
His job never half-ass, always first rate
Wears a navy blue hat, has a peg leg hop
When it comes to the ice, he's an Eskimo cop
Got a bad temper, always seems feisty
Works at the snack shop pours me an Iceee
Fixes me a dog puts chili on top
Caught some punk stealing in the souvenir shop
Paint up the logo, Windex the glass
Uses blue paint for the two-line pass
Skinny and boney like my man Troy Loney
He is my homie--drives the Zamboni
Is my homie—drives the Zamboni!

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

Drives the Zamboni, rides it all the time
Resurfaces the ice from blue line to blue line
Wheels near the board it's like gleaming the cube
You never (ever) see his face on the television tube
Between periods makes the ice look new
Checkin' out my man Mario Lemieux
He'll never win a Stanley Cup, he knows it too well
He'll never even make it to the N-H-L
Shaves the cold surface, the ice so precise
Handles the wheel like he's rollin' two dice
Ladies and gentlemen give him a hand
The unsung hero, Zamboni Man
Unsung hero—Zamboni Man!

Shave that ice
Zamboni Man!

"Heather's Sock"

Tuesday night, what to do?
Six hours before the red-eye flight
We're in L.A., we're on Sunset
We're at Rite-Aid, we're here to get
Some ear-plugs, for ear-drums
To hear the sounds of Pharmacy
Windows down, volume up
We go in, In N' Out
Mr. Ho, wants to go
Wants to go, to the show
Long gone is the evening sun,
Guest-list, plus one
Tickets score, enter the door
Of the Trou-OOO-OOO-OOO-OOO-bador!

Ted's got,
Heather’s sock!
Prevent the shock of Ted's teeth, face, and mouth!
Heather’s sock!
Electro-shock!
Prevent the shock of Ted's teeth, face, and mouth!

He saw me there, out in the crowd
Autographs 1, 2--1, 2, 3, 4
When the show begins, the kids will roar
Wear out their sneakers, wear out the dance floor
We're movin', we're shakin', we're checkin' the clock
I'm electric, now you might get shocked
One more song, but I'll stay for two,
And I'll dance in my shoes, till my feet turn blue
You! You better call it a night!
(Yes) You! You're gonna miss your flight!

Ted's got,
Heather’s sock!
Prevent the shock of Ted's teeth, face, and mouth!
Heather’s sock!
Electro-shock!
Prevent the shock of Ted's teeth, face, and mouth!

“Big Country”

Got a brother named Johnny
Got a sister named Jenny
Now growin’ up back down in Tennessee
Pickin’ apples from the apple tree
Jenny and Pa they share a little laughter
Johnny’s so tall he don’t even need a ladder

It’s Big Country!
Big Country!

Playin’ basketball every single day
With a homemade hoop and a court made of hay
Seven-foot-five, 18 years old
A big ‘ol country boy with a heart made of gold
Farmin’, and hoopin’, and squeezin’ apple cider
A college scholarship with four state titles

It’s Big Country!
Big Country!

A few years later Johnny’s dunkin’ all over
Wears a uniform with a shamrock clover
Moved out east to play pro ball
A little growth spurt, now he’s eight-foot tall
A post-move so smooth his feet don’t even stutter
All his teammates call him “Apple Butter”
Sends back his checks to Jenny and Pa
So they can buy a TV and watch him play basketball

It’s Big Country!
Big Country!

“Teenage Slut”

I saw you across the way
You’re so fly, you are everyday
I smiled at you, you smiled back
Cause you know that I am the big-daddy-mack
I asked you out, you said yes
The times we had, they were the best
I got mad, you started to flirt
Start reachin’ up some other guy’s shirt
I got mad, I got pissed
Don’t gimme no hug, don’t gimme no kiss
Break it down like this

I went out with a teenage slut

Had a girl, treated her like gold
Our love was one of a kind that would never turn old
Loved her so much, thought she was the one
Went out Fridays had lots of fun
Went to Kennywood, saw the midgets
Squirted water in the clown’s mouth, with the skee-ball tickets
Gave you my love, everything that I had
You continued to flirt with frat-boy Chad
I got mad, I got pissed
Don’t gimme no hug, don’t gimme no kiss
Break it down like this

I went out with a teenage slut

“Piper’s Pit”

Ring the bell, always hyper
My man, Roddy Piper
Piper’s Pit, Saturday night
Hit you hard, blow bag pipes
A red plaid kilt he be sportin’
Backed by Ace, Cowboy Bob Orton
My man, likes to go nuts
Smashed Jimmy Snuka with a coconut

My man!
Rowdy Roddy Piper!

Hot Rod hits you with a fist full of knuckle
Beat Mr. T with a leather belt buckle
Brutal and frank, his shit’s always honest
Had Brutus Beefacke shave Adrian Adonis
Suplex you out of the ring
Hit you with a steel chair make your head ring

My man!
Rowdy Roddy Piper!

Ring the bell here he goes
Hit you hard break your nose
Juiced with sheer intensity
Pin you for the count of three

One, two, three!
Rowdy Roddy Piper!

“Media Scare!”

I was watching the news the other day
And had a hard time believing what the anchor had to say
It was scary—very
Very unnecessary
They were talking like the world’s going to end
Like this is the last day that we will ever spend
With our friends and fam’
Damn—man
Boys and girls what’s going on?
Are we on the same team? Or maybe I’m wrong
Maybe I’m wrong for singing this song
Or maybe I’m wrong for thinking too long
Why does the news? Why does the news hype?
Why does the news make people feel uptight?
We’re all in a panic, we’re all in a tizzy
This terror alert got America dizzy
Another form of paranoid rape
Go out and buy some plastic and a roll of duct tape
And everything will be safe and sound—there, there
Until the next scare

Scare the people with the nervous breakdown
With the nervous breakdown
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Attention everybody get inside
Stay away from that cyanide
The color is orange, the terror alert
The threat is high, see you might get hurt
Now everybody check it, let’s be realistic
I understand that people in this world are sadistic
Yes—the world is at war
With the World War III and the World War IV
I might go to work—a terrorist attack
I could open my mail—and get anthrax
I might take a plane—it could get hijacked
I may be walking down the street and get shot in the back
But I don’t like the media causing a panic
What is a panic? It’s a story they planned it
More news—more reaction
More reaction—military action
Before you know it, everyone’s insane
News media white-washing your brain
Are you scared? Do you care?
Are you scared? Do you care?
Are you scared? Are you scared

Scare the people with the nervous breakdown
With the nervous breakdown
NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!

Panic, panic, panic and pray
To the M to the E to the D-I-A
Violence sells, murder and looting
And the news is always rooting for another school shooting
The great hype machine is working overtime
Let’s do a live remote from the site of Columbine
Let’s embed this seed into a kid’s head
The answer to his problem is to shoot his class dead
Wake up! Open your eyes
Can’t you see what’s going on guys?
How many times and it just ain’t right
If you watch the news tonight it will save your life
Rapists, killers, SARS, and war
Bad drinking water and a crack house whore
Reality check—I’m kind of torn
Because the news media has a right to inform
But they don’t have a right to incite
And that my friends just ain’t right
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who’s the terrorist of all?
Who’s the one that makes us scared?
Makes us beware—don’t breathe the air

I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious, why?
I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious, why?
I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious, why?
I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’m anxious, I’M ANXIOUS!

Scare the people with the nervous breakdown
With the nervous breakdown

NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!